What if We had to redo Noah's Ark?

As Hollywood makes an Ark movie, some say it does not resemble the bible. Well, duh, I agree. The bible would be a lot smaller I would think. I believe God knew that the ark had to be done in the early years, since no one would get it right today. Here are some possible modern day ark responses I could see:

PETA ARK - Since PETA hates humans, the ark has 4 of each kind of animal so as not to lose the unicorns this time. But it has no humans. Instead, robots feed the animals along with C3PO of course in charge of protocol - whatever that is. PETA also makes the mistake of putting the lions, trigers and coyotes on the same deck with the sheep and gazelles. They do this since they believe that animals love each other in the wild, and this, well, allows diversity.

SNOOP DOG ARK - it is not that Snoop Dog does not care about humans or pets, but he decided to save the plants. Therefore he has 4 pots of 117 different types of plants that can be made into drugs. His ark also features 3, count them, three, meth labs. Since he ran out of thought power there, the only reason there are humans on his ark is that they were leftover from parties during the week and never got off the ship. One of his guests waking up and seeing the raging flood outside the ark yelled "Woah! This is some really strong weed Snoop!",

BILL CLINTON ARK - Has no animals, other than a surprise male friend (no surprise really) Charlie Sheen. And this ark has two blonde women, two redheads, two brunettes ... and then there are more women that break down by nationality...and then by height. Charlie had wanted the women in numbers of "two and a half" each since that was his favorite number, but Bill said that would be problematic.

LIBERAL ARK - with Captain Obama - who gave out tickets to all Americans promising them "If you want to keep your ticket on the ark, you can keep your ticket on the ark". But then he has Sibelius the IRS and FBI ensure no Republicans, Tea Party or non voters get on the ark. Credentials of media people are also verified. The only animals on the ark are endangered species such that when the ark lands, the EPA can continue to close down oil and coal fields and stop irrigation for delta smelt and one eyed tree frogs as they do now. Oddly the ark seems short on food since no one on the ark seemed to know where food and goods come from.

THE FED ARK - with Captain Geithner. The entire ship is borrowed from China. Also all animals are borrowed from China so there are a lot of Pandas on the ship more than anything else. When asked for money by the Chinese, Geithner printed it right in front of them. The Chinese appeared confused. The tense situation did not approve when two other people from the FED near Geithner broke out laughing screaming "I cannot believe they fall for that stuff ! Time and Again ! Blah ha ha ha"

LGBT ARK - with Ellen DeGeneres as captain of the "Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transsexual" ark. While there are many humans on board, most of them are wearing the clothes of the other gender so it is impossible to get a gender count. They also fear that mating will be difficult if not impossible when the waters recede. The only animals allowed on board are gay animals that must wear designer lingerie or other tokens to show that they are sincere. Barney Frank in a brand new evening gown checks the animals out when they arrive to ensure no frauds. He would know. "Dang Homophobic frog!" screamed Barney as he threw yet another animal off the ark.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT ARK - This ark only allows illegal immigrants. It also demands that all other arks take down their flags any time they come near. They have a few animals, mostly burros and few smaller ones that they call burritos. Someone offered to give them badgers on their ark, but a few of them laughed and screamed: "Badgers? Badgers? We don' need no stinkin' badgers!" (yes, from a Weird Al Yankovic movie)

BILL MAHER ARK - Has only a few radicals and himself and only four animals, mostly randomly selected except for there being two female animals and two males. Bill who is a staunch evolution believer says that is all the animals he needs. He will just put these four animals in his back yard after the water recedes and they will make alligators, birds, camels, deer, oxen, bears, cows, and likely even dinosaurs. The sky is the limit says Bill.

... Personally, with this group, I am hoping the rain stops

Views: 49

Comment by Robin on March 7, 2014 at 8:17pm
Once again RN, you have me laughing. Too good to not share this! Tweeting it out! Thank you!

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