If News Was Humor instead of Sad

If News Was Humor instead of Sad 

None of this happened.  But I say ... it could have. 

This week Sicily received a bailout from the European Union.  Sicily said that they just "made the E.U. a deal that they could not refuse". 

Tomorrow Obama will show how he got bin Laden by himself while dressed in his golf clothes and using his teleprompter as an assault weapon.  He does admit, however, that the raid was not a surprise since the US first had to build a landing strip in Pakistan in front of the place so Air Force One could land. 

Catholic Bishops continue to protest the Obama rules that they pay for contraception, abortion, and also Michelle's trip to Spain.  However, the bishops seem to be losing the battle, since as we all know, bishops can only move diagonally which greatly reduces their movements. 

Are our schools getting too tough?  This week Big Sis of Homeland Insecurity jailed 4 pre-schoolers who did not fall asleep during their nap time.  The charge?  They were found guilty of "Resisting a Rest". 

Rasmussen has recently polled 10,000 of the highest voting participants among the Chicago dead.   Only 1% claimed to be liberals, with the other 99% saying that they were liberal, but then they switched to being conservative after their abortion - and their votes should count that way instead. 

Conservatives this week protested the movie series "Shrek" which has a donkey but clearly no elephant.  The movie producers countered by saying "At least we depict Democrats as ogres who turn their neighborhoods into mud and swamp." 

In the European Union meeting today, they tried to vote on what to do exactly with the horse's head that was sent to them by Sicily. 

Lindsay Lohan this week won an award for going an entire week without the need for rehab.  The award is in the shape of a bong, inscribed by Cheech and Chong. 

Pirates from Somalia have complained that they cannot in fact be real terrorists unless they get automatic weapons, and lots of them.  Eric Holder agreed to give them to them as long as each of them sign a form to never ever be law abiding citizens in the US. or any other country. 

It has been difficult for Obama to be true to both his Muslim heritage from his early life, and also ensure he still claims Republicans are the ones that war on Women.  As Obama has helped countries like Egypt and Libya go to the Muslim Brotherhood, Obama will now offer American women burkhas at half price and also a card that lets them get out once of either a stoning or honor killing - free - their choice. 

Hollywood now claims that no actresses or actors are ever naked in their films.  They say that the real issue is that some buy their clothes from the new Rodeo drive store - the Emperor's New Clothes Boutique, and actually pay thousands of dollars each for their costumes.  When we raised our eyebrows, the shopkeeper winked and said "they are liberals.  If I don't take advantage of them, the government will". 

Catholic Bishops, still losing their battle, now are required by Obama to pay for Ms. Fluke's apartment, her brand new loaded Lexus, and her pink 200 foot yacht titled:  "SS Sexy Butt". 

The Obama administration has finally solved the illegal alien problem.  With jobs gone, and "Faith", "Hope" and "Charity" now only the names of the local strippers who work with the Secret Service, many Mexicans are going back to Mexico.  "That is why we do not want a wall!  We need to escape!"  said a few. 

Obama who had two Muslim fathers, whose mother moved to the largest Muslim country on earth Indonesia to marry her second Muslim, who grew up in his formative years as a Muslim, and who roomed with two Muslims from Pakistan in College laughs when asked if he is a Muslim.  "Of course not!" he said .."I swear that on the Holy Koran.  Allah be Praised you infidel scum." 

With bailout money running late, the EU received a note from Sicily saying:"  We have your agent.  We have found Nemo.  He sleeps with the fishes".

Views: 34

Comment by RNhunter on May 8, 2012 at 12:38am

Your comment cheers me up Homer.  Thanks!  :)

Comment by D.A. on May 8, 2012 at 9:36am

GREAT RN!  Thanks.............

Comment by RNhunter on May 8, 2012 at 11:39am

:)

Comment by Robin on May 9, 2012 at 10:00am

Awesome RN! :-) 

Comment by Jodi180 on May 17, 2012 at 11:12am

Too good, RN.  'Resisting A Rest'.....you crack me up!

Keep 'em coming.

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