Humor? Why?? Answer: It beats crying

Pessimist: There are ants in my pizza.
Optimist:  Aw yea free ants.
Bear:  There's a pizza in my ants.

Fast way to ruin someone's Knock Knock joke?
"It's open."

I just read a list of “100 things to do before you die”. And, I’ve got to say that I’m pretty surprised “yell for help” wasn't one of them.

We ALL remember our first crush.  Mine was Orange.

crastination. I'll put the "pro" in it later.

Vampire Lover: You're white and you suck up blood.   I know what ....YOU.... are
Edward:  Say it.... ..SAY IT OUT LOUD !!   Vampire Lover: You're  a tampon
Edward:  :/

Confucius says:  "He who throws mud loses ground".

Dog: "I offer my master my favorite toy as a token of affection and friendship"
What does he do?  He fricking throws it.!!

I hate people who say age is just a number. Age is clearly a word.

My fan has three settings.
1. Very slow 2.Slow 3.Im going to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak accident

The best part of graduation is watching people try to pronounce the names of students who come from countries where words don't need vowels.

Me: I know a gay guy that sounds like an owl.
Friend: Who?

They say nothing rhymes with orange... Lies!  "nothing"  and  "orange"  don't rhyme at all

Cop: You know why I pulled you over?    Lady: Yes, Sir, and I'm flattered, but I'm a married woman.

"Must you really lick the knife?"  "Sorry, force of habit" I said "Loads of people do it though don't they?"  
"Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor".

Definition.
Microwave: (noun). A polite hand gesture used by midgets or dwarves as a form of greeting or farewell

I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering.
98% of them said: ''How the **@! did you get in here?!''

Views: 49

Comment by D.A. on May 30, 2012 at 9:04pm

LOL!  Thanks again RN. :)

Comment by Griswold on June 1, 2012 at 9:55am

Humor? Why?? Answer: It beats crying

What happens when you laugh so hard you end up crying?

LOL

Comment by RNhunter on June 3, 2012 at 12:12am

:)

Comment by RNhunter on June 5, 2012 at 2:45am

Actually, I thought that that remark improved the standing of little people, since it makes them appear polite in a world of evil.  This indeed is the age of the little people.  Note that so far, the smartest, brainiest, cleverest person in the book and now HBO series Game of Thrones is the dwarf.  The dwarf is so smart in that book and HBO series, that he makes all around him seem stupid.  :)

Comment by Jerseygal on June 8, 2012 at 6:24am

LOL RN!  Good stuff!

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