Humor, Part Deu

[RNhunter]

Today was a very sad day indeed in Australia.  The renowned inventor of the famed "boomerang grenade" died suddenly.

 

Went to a High School graduation and got emotional seeing our future scientists and leaders...hopelessly outnumbered by strippers and trailer-park trash.

 

People say I'm out of my mind, .....but in my defense ... it's scary in there.

 

"Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!"

"That's silly there's no such thing as a mo... OH GOD IT'S TEARING MY ARM! ...

I'm Kidding.... He only eats kids.   goodnight."

 

How embarrassing, this New Year's party invitation plainly said 'B!ack Tie Only'.  When I showed up, everyone was wearing suits too.

 

I asked my neighbor, Skeet, what he had on his bucket list.  He said "4 thighs, 2 breasts, 4 biscuits and 2 sides"

 

In a movie, a swimmer was screaming "Help!  Shark!".  Now, that's silly.  I knew the shark was not going to help him.

 

Calories:   Tiny creatures that live in your closet and every night sew your clothes a little bit smaller.

 

Friend: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"    

Me: "Poverty."

 

New Mom:  I want to name my new baby ... Sarah ... yes. 

Hospital:  Sorry... "Sarah" is already taken.  How about Sarah324 or SarahB_12?  They are available?

 

2% MILK ???.  What the HECK is the other 98%? !!!!

 

Just to be a help here, cats don't actually like it when you raise them in the air, dance around, and sing the Lion King song...

 

Stable relationships are for horses

 

It's Spring!  I'm so happy I wet my plants!

 

The book "Game of Thrones" is about Medieval truly evil dictator Kings who fight to death to see who enslaves the serfs, while their disgusting weasels lie to the public.  In other words, it is very similar to the 2012 elections.

[D.A.]

Thanks RN.  Love 'em.  

[Jerseygal]

ROFL RN!  

[Jodi180]

Good ones!