California Wants Huge Cigarette Tax
California wants to tax cigarettes 115%. Oddly, the Liberals I know who smoke tell me that this is just fine, since cigarettes are evil and this is a luxury tax and they should pay the government. I disagree a bit. This is so Michelle who has 1000 times more vacations than me can have more? So the GSA can have bigger parties, the Secret Service more prostitutes? Obama more golf? With liberal thinking like that, here is how I predict the future.
- 2012 - Huge 115% Gasoline tax. Liberals cheer and gladly pay since they are told "cigarettes bad, Obama good."
- 2013 - Obama gets reelected as President for Life. Soft drinks are now taxed 200% since Michelle thinks they are bad. Liberals cheer. Coca cola is pooped on by the Occupy Movement which has now been made a fourth branch of government with Bill Maher in charge.
- 2014 - All food except Arugula - the Obama favorite is now taxed 300%. Restaurants go into hiding and serve cheeseburgers in sewers and rat infested towers and God Forbid, in Charlie Sheen's apartment, an even less sanitary location. Liberals cheer and each want to be Elliot Ness and get a Tommy gun to kill the conservatives who do not get it and continue to cheat the system. Michelle is given Delaware as a country home from a grateful nation. The Democratic Senate now decides that with Obamacare death panels (which were there all along) that no citizen should live past 48 years old - unless you are a government official in Washington.
- 2015 - Obama is elected Emperor of the world. He now screams that dogs are not paying their fair share of taxes. The cost of dogs, their upkeep, their doctor bills, are all fair play claim Obama for protection time served. Dogs are therefore taxed at the 50% bracket - or at least their owners now have to pay. Liberals cheer and scream 200 more years !! Oddly, underground McDonalds now is serving dog burgers. Underground T-Shirts showing Michael Vick the dog killer as the new cult hero emerge from street sellers replacing the Che fashion wear.
- 2016 - The Obama admin now determines that male humans are bad for the world's health, and must pay an additional 200% tax at all stores. Many women cheer, secretly knowing that males were expendable long ago. But the cheering stops when TSA takes over the checkout counters and ensures by very invasive, extremely invasive procedures that the gender check is correct. Liberals cheer and go wild and begin watching TSA videos on their favorite internet porn connection. Harry Reid asks for 2 billion dollars for his cowboy poetry fair, and is given 5 billion instead since the government now has most all the money.
- 2017 - Obama is elected Super Galactic commander of the entire Universe. He raises everyone's taxes since there are no more conceivable elections possible. Liberals cheer but are weak from famine so they are more quiet. Now with no one to stop him, Obama throws all Hispanics in jail in payment for the Trayvon Martin case. Bo, the White House dog, is given S. Carolina as his private walking area, while Obama gives 23 states to Muslims but in fairness, raffles them off.
- 2018 - As in War of the Worlds, suddenly liberals die off from two things - a failure of the Arugula crop and the following poisoning and too rich of a life having had so much tax money. Because of their rich tastes, like Hollywood, liberals no longer live past 28 years old, and in fact die off suddenly as the dinosaurs.
- 2019 - With no more liberals, conservatives begin to try to rebuild the planet. Noah builds an ark as mostly a symbolic gesture. But when he tries to put two liberals on board along with the two unicorns, other conservatives beat him to death with the last surviving arugula plants on earth.
Morals of the story:
The only thing you can count on is death from Obama taxes.
where exactly are agents Moose and Squirrel when you need them?