John Cleese has it about right:

"The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person.

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The British use of the English language is sometimes refreshing.

Yes JB. I lived in England with my family for three years, and I never grew tired of British conversation. They are unique compared to Americans in that college for them (unlike Americans) was not always to get a job, but just for knowledge itself. And so often in discussions, one would find the British person to be quite intelligent and knowledgeable - even if their current job did not display such a thing.
And yes they have their own brand of humor. When I arrived in England the first day one of them said that "they could be laughing at me and I likely would not even notice". I did find that funny by the way. They also said that Brits like Americans also laughed at the Benny Hill show, but they were certain they laughed at different parts.

Example of British humor:

I noted one day that they had a Sherwood Forest. I asked about Robin Hood. The Purchasing Manager there said "We are fairly certain that we had someone who robbed the rich, and also someone who gave to the poor, but we do not think he was the same person".

on the French - I asked two different Brits two different place and different times the same question: "Why do Brits hate France?" The answer both times was identical "We do not hate France at all. France is a most lovely country that we just think is very nice indeed. It is just that.. that is where the stupid French people live".

LOL! :))

OMG, RN! So funny. I'm still laughing. Thanks for that!

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